“Mike Pence Says, “Donald Trump’s Wall Is Too Small”

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“Trump’s wall is simply not big enough” Indiana Governor and Republican Vice Presidential Candidate, Mike Pence hits the news this morning with new information about the plan for the wall separating Mexico from the United States.

At a small press meeting with the Governor in his home state Indiana he made these opening remarks concerning Trump’s wall.

“With the Mexican government finally understanding why they need to finance the wall, it is important we do it right, and a thirty foot wall of fence or brick just will not suffice. We need it bigger, we need it larger, wider, thicker, done the American Way. And if it will cost them (Mexican taxpayers) more money, it is for the safety of the world which they will make that sacrifice. This needs to happen, and so we will make it happen.”

What was meant to be a small talk about recent A.L.E.C. proposals spun out of control with curiosity firing off from all directions of the crowd.

Many questions came right after his statement concluded. Brought up first were concerns over the ancient burial grounds of the Apache, a local Native American tribe along the Texas border. His retort came quick and decisive, as to be expected from a well thought out plan.

“I spoke with a young Apache Indian boy when last I was in Texas. I told him about the many threats that faced him on the other side of that flimsy fence which rests there now. I told him his ancestors could help strengthen our resolve and our wall simultaneously. I asked him if he would want that. He broke down and cried in my arms. I felt he understood the great opportunity his ancestors would have. Of course the Apache leaders and I will see eye to eye on this plan. Whatever we dig up we will recycle. No waste, all original Americans doing their part.”

The crowd was silent besides scribbling sounds scraping off from their notepads.

“What characteristics will this wall share with The Great Wall of China and Trump’s wall?”

Quickly again he retorted.

“The girth will be wider on our wall, this part is crucial. It’s our girth that will keep us out of reach from the drug cartels simply throwing their packages over at us, allowing those large packages to hit our children and other unsuspecting people with dangerous drug addictions. However it will be as long if not longer, and will take a little less time to build. Most important will be their similar effectiveness in keeping invaders from simple walking into our country. I feel our country is great, but the more we let people in, the more that greatness gets diluted. We hope to combine these factors with Trump’s wall”

The journalists talked loudly over each other, trying their best to grab the attention of Mr. Pence.

“What will the wall be made from?”

Governor Pence seemed pleased with the chance to talk about this. He looked down and addressed the crowd.

“ It was most important to me that we try and save the Mexican taxpayers money while keeping Trump’s wall strong. So I’m very proud of the idea to re-purpose tombstones and Mexican pueblos from bordering deserted villages in order to save on costs. Many villages have been abandoned by the growth of the larger cities, mainly due to their dealings with us. And so many villages have stone structure just lying around. I also knew this would help to build a bridge between the two political parties in our country. This way of re-purposing will save on pollution as well. And Mexico stated they would also supply volunteer laborers in support of the plan.”

Many people in the crowd seemed surprised by the complexity which the plan had started to reveal. I finally posed a question.

“What about the local wildlife? I have been told when a structure like this is built it can disrupt the local habitat.”

Rep. Vice President Candidate Mike Pence walking with “Great Wall of the West” supporters at Great Wall in China.

Rep. Vice President Candidate Mike Pence walking with “Great Wall of the West” supporters at Great Wall in China.

I had hopes that this would help bring some reality to Mike Pence’s ambition plan, but his response left me stunned. I wondered how Trump had not chosen Pence from the very beginning. Their intelligent likeness was staggering.

“Great question, and that’s the great part about our wall, the large birds will be able to fly over it. After reading a science article from Python Press, it was revealed to me that the large birds which inhabit that area along the future Great Wall are known to be able to carry many of the marmots and such over the wall to their families, and even back. Most of the marmots are fruit gatherers, and the large birds are able to then eat the fruit in exchange for their services. As long as the animals are about the size of a coconut, there is no issue. And sometimes two of the birds will even work together. On Trump’s wall, this would not be as possible.”

I had heard rumors before but after fact checking his research I was not really surprised to find it all true. African Swallows brought over in the 19th century have been doing this for as long as we’ve known about the species.

The day was carrying on, and the questions did not let up for Pence. We felt that this proposal would finally bring him into his own spotlight, instead of just being a place holder for Trump’s campaign.

“We are a team, him and I (Trump), this will become our wall, not just Trump’s wall. We need to be building our ideas up, taller and taller together. We need to take from others so that we can share what we have consumed back with them. Hopefully this plan I am drawing up will appeal to my people. So please, please, tweet on my account ways you would make our Great Wall better and stronger. Maybe defense systems, or camouflage ideas. With this nation’s best minds we can make it work;  we can finally make this country great again. Please also consider giving donations in the tweets if you feel as strongly as we do.”

We were wrapping up for the day and Governor Pence was on his way out, but with a turn he gave us a final gold nugget to show us how well his idea was thought out.

“The salmon off the coast of west Mexico have contracted a feverish disease, I am sure you have all read about it. Our wall upon hitting the west coast, will have a chainmail fence which extends into the ocean for hundreds of feet, keeping those infected salmon away from our own. Remember, ‘what would an ocean be without the monsters lurking in the dark? It would be like sleep without dreams’, and we will keep our citizens from having to deal with the bad monsters, Thank you.”

Right then, he walked away, and for anyone left in the crowd with two ears and a brain it was no difficult feat to notice the effect this proposal would have on the world. Trump’s wall would not be the same from here on out.

Gaining Trump’s comments about this proposal have yet to happen, but we are eager to hear how he will support the thesis, and we hope to hear the conversation open up to a wider crowd.

How to help Trump and Pence construct the Great Wall? Tweet here all your ideas on Mike Pence’s Twitter. IF you want actually serious about helping them make the United States of America great again, Pence’s people have said loudly you can simply leave your Credit Card # and the amount you wish to donate in your tweet. It will be refunded dutifully by the Mexican Government.

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